Would you like to be more persuasive?
Would you like to be more powerful?
Would you like to be more impactful in all areas of your life: with your boss, with your customer with your employees, with your spouse, with your children?
Can you imagine how life would be if you could influence them more? How would your relationship with all of them change? How would you feel when you have that kind of connection with these important people?
If that is you, you will love this episode.
You see, we try to influence others with our words. Yes, it has a level of impact. However, the thing that really moves the needle when we want to influence someone is when we listen, when we connect and when we are empathic.
This week I called my mother. She went on a long rant, advising me something fabulous, something that I consistently do every day. She was right, great advise for someone else. I already do so. What was the problem with that conversation? She was not with me. She was with her own story. She was in her past in her own childhood. This episode inspired me to share with you how to listen mindfully.
Trade Hurry for Relax
In this day and age, we live in a hurry. We live fast. Because of that, we have conversations in a hurry. What is the antidote to that hurry? Relax. Relax and listen. I did that with my mother. During her rant, I reminded myself that I did have time to listen. I also asked myself: “Is it possible that she had a message for me?” And of course she did. I finally understood and appreciated some areas of our relationship that I never had courage to see. In fact, thanks to that conversation, my love for her grew. So, relax because every single interaction has a gift for you. Don’t despair. Relax. Don’t be in a hurry. Listen. Relax.
Trade listening to reply for listening to understand
We don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. It’s not hurry or the noise of the world, it’s our ego. We want to show to the other person that we know. I could have told my mother: “I already do that”. But I didn’t. It was a miracle, because, I’m a very poor listener. I kept quiet because I was really curious. I wanted to understand her. I don’t want to miss any opportunity to understand who she is. To put her as an example is particularly moving, because every conversation is precious as I do not know which one will be the last. She is now 88. It would be such a waste for me not to listen to her.
Listen not to show how right and intelligent you are. Listen to understand. Listen to love. The other person is a human being, full of wisdom. That includes everyone. That includes little children, yes, even babies. Listen to them and be ready to learn. The school of my son is incredible. I love it. It’s a very cosmopolitan school. In his classroom nationalities of every single continent are represented. He in fact has a very special classmate, a child with Down syndrome. This child has changed my views on labels. Before meeting him, I thought they would be different: weak, sweet, “pobrecitos”. Now after having had the joy of listening to him, I’ve learned this: when we listen to understand, a huge world of love, compassion and possibility opens. He teaches me so much with his eloquent love for life.
Trade there for here
We are everywhere, except here. We are in the past: where our inner child is crying for things that happened in the past – not today. We are in the future: we worry about all the things that we must accomplish. Really the only place where we are, is here and now. Here and now is where things happen. Here and now you can connect with the other.
I recommend you to use your body. What I love to do, when I’m dying to reply, to jump to the past or future; I place my hand on my heart. This allows me to come back to this person. This allows me to connect heart to heart with him or her. By putting your hand on your heart, you will engage all your compassion and empathy – key elements to build a bridge with your audience.
You can also put your hand on your belly. This will give you the courage to control your ego, to close your mouth and open your ears.
Use your body to be here. Let go of the past let go of the future. Your power is now, here. Listen.
Trade “I know that” for curiosity
It’s very easy to say `I know that`. I could have done that with my mom and say: “The habit you are recommending me is something I do every day. I know that”. Then I wouldn’t have connected with her. I wouldn’t have loved her as much as I did at that moment.
So what’s the antidote to “I know that”? Curiosity. Challenge your assumptions. Be curious like a child. Listen like you have never heard that before. Have you actually heard that story a million times? Listen to it differently. Listen to the person because that person is telling you the story from their heart in the moment. Be curious, genuinely curious.
Trade your story for being with the other
Finally to round up, let go of your story. It’s not your story that’s important. It’s not about your childhood, your business or your problems. It’s the story of the other what matters now. Be with them. Get into their world. When you understand where they come from, what makes them tick, what makes them angry, afraid; then you could influence them. Then you will have their love. I’m not talking about the cheesy February 14 love. I’m talking about that love that makes us human: genuine trust, empathy compassion. This is what we need in this society.
Back to you
I would love to hear from you.
Which of these ideas you would like to implement? What touched you?
Thank you very much for reading, watching, sharing, commenting! We are building something amazing: the Heart Centered Economy.
To your brilliance,
Featured Image by Lisa Sjolund