11. Saying Sorry
Gosh! Have you noticed how often women say “Sorry”. We start conversations and even emails with this apologetic word.
We think that it smooths conversations, but what it does is smoothing you. It doesn't contribute to your leadership. On the contrary it makes you look weak and guilty, plus it becomes annoying.
To become more powerful and influential extricate this word from your vocabulary.You don't need to say sorry,
- When asking to be served.You have nothing to be sorry about when asking a waiter to serve you. You are the customer. Your business is contributing to his income. Don't apologize for doing a good deed. Talk to him with courtesy, yet with power.
- Before you speak. Your opinion doesn't need apologies. Use opening statement tactics in any conversation: a powerful question, a quote, or a wow statement. If you let them see early that there's something interesting for them in what you want to say, they'll listen. Sorry gives the opposite impression. It says "I don't value I'll say next and I already know you won't either".
- When you're the messenger of bad news. Bad news always mark endings. Conversely endings can be new beginnings, if we see them that way. Concentrate in the up side of life. List all the benefits of your "bad news". With that perspective in your mind and heart, you won't need to say or feel sorry.
- Even when it's your fault. Even when you are late, when you made a mistake, when you hurt someone, saying "sorry" is a poor choice. When it's a very serious situation, "sorry" is meaningless. Saying "sorry" won't help you rebuild trust or co-create harmonious solutions. Express your feelings fully, share the story from your point of view, explore options together with the other. Use this circumstance to learn and grow.
Another important reason for you to stop saying "sorry" is to be a true role model. Set a good example. We don't want to build another generation of weak and apologetic women.
12. Minimize Your Accomplishments
- “It was nothing”
- “It was a team effort”
- “It was luck”
We work so hard and at the end we give the credit to luck or the team. We shoot ourselves in the foot. Feminine modesty is a self-damaging policy. This is not only bad for our self-steam, but also for our branding. When we really appreciate our endeavors and our results, we’ll transmit that joy and enthusiasm to others – our team, our clients. Then we could climb higher mountains.
3 ideas to train yourself out of Mini Me
- Awareness of your words. Notice when you say "I only...", "It was not a big deal...", and others. Just noticing will give you power.
- Welcome praise. When someone gives you a compliment, pause, breath, and let it in. Open your heart and mind to this words. Think "I'm worth it". Don't automatically reply. Eradicate answers such as the listed above. Answer "thank you" and feel it. Allow that gratitude to flow all your system.
- Celebrate. Celebrations are key to internalize the value of your accomplishments. Gift yourself a bunch of flowers or treat yourself to a nice dinner. Get your heart singing. Rejoice!
13. Not Speaking Your Truth
- Are you unable to say NO?
- Do you need to be perceived as nice?
- Do you have fear of conflict?
- Do you feel unsafe sharing your ideas and opinions?
- Is your inner critic constantly bashing you?
You are not alone.We women share a huge common pain: an ancestral fear of speaking our truth. For centuries fellow women have been killed for daring to do so. All their pain is embedded in our DNA.
Now, more than ever, the world needs our voice. I do believe true what the Dalai Lama said: "The world will be saved by the western woman". We need to break with those old fears and build a new identity, one who dares to speak up.
Here you have 3 powerful ideas to reclaim your voice
- Befriend your Inner Critic. Imagine the nagging critical voices you hear in your head were said by an actual person. See this person in your mind. Ask his/her name. Start a conversation. Build an understanding of what lies behind all his/her criticism. As you build this relationship over time, you'll be able to reply to his attacks with a kind: "I hear you, yet there's nothing to fear. I'll express my views. My voice is needed". The more you repeat this process, the easier it'll be.
- Visualize. The brain doesn't know the difference between what what we visualize and what actually happens. See yourself speaking up. See the audience listening and appreciating your point of view. You can add this powerful vision to your morning and evening meditation practice. Be easy with yourself. Enjoy it. Play with it. Before you know it, you won't see that difference between your visions and your actual meetings.
- Who do you want to be? "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how your react to it" said Charles R. Swindoll. Repeating the very same reaction to life indicates that you are not learning. When you are not learning, you are not growing. When you are not growing, you are dyig. Who do you want to be? A victim of the circumstances, of "them", of your past? or do you want to actually take advantage of your golden ticket, your life? Take responsibility and choose who you are. Speak up.
Every time you authentically and courageously speak up you love yourself a bit more. You reclaim your right to be heard and respected. Build the power and the beauty of your voice step by step. Allow the unfolding of self expression.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage - Anais Nin
14. Longing for Permission and Approval
Longing for permission or approval is lethal.
Trust me, I know, because I wasted decades of my life pleasing the entire world to get their approval and their permission to be me. My desire to be likeable was the compass that motivated my choices. Needless to say it didn't work.
For starters it's impossible to please everyone. Standards are as varied as people. The words of Dita von Teese come to mind:
You can be ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.
This need for approval is inbuilt in our brains.Unconsciously we wait our mother’s permission or approval before claiming own in life.
To let go of the need of external approval, you need to build an infinite source of it. This is within you. When you start appreciating your worth and "enoughness", their opinion will be irrelevant. You'll have your own permission and approval to wherever you want. Your career is your business. Your life is your business. You are the CEO. Own your title. You don’t need the recognition of your boss or the permission of your dad. Appreciate your greatness. Tell yourself that you can do it and go for it.
You can be ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches
Dita von Teese
15. High Tolerance for Poor Treatment from Others
- 85% of domestic violence victims are women
- 1 in 3 women has been sexually harassed in the workplace
- 60% of bullying targets in the workplace are women
We tolerate so much! Looking at these and other statistics, I cannot help wondering how many are non-reported cases. We have a high tolerance for the intolerable. #itsabouttime to stop with this, isn’t it?
Why do we tolerate so much? Some say that they do so because they don't know where the boundary lies. Many of us have developed a high tolerance to pain.We just keep going and going towards the goal no matter how much grief we get from the world. We anesthetize ourselves to keep going no matter how much we are suffering.
Among the ones who are able to feel the pain, there are the ones who fear the backlash for speaking up and defending themselves. Even worst they could be feeling not even deserving of a better treatment.
The first step to stop this cycle is awareness. Develop a practice of mindfulness.Listen to your body. Feel if what's going on offends you or hurts you. Remember that you are valuable, lovable and worthy of respect.
The next step is to chose your action. What will you do? Walk out? Confront? Create harmony? Ask for help? There are many options available to you. Remember the worst thing that can happen to you is certain: you'll die. So anything else is a learning opportunity. When you see this "ordeal" as a gift, you'll be able to consciously choose your behavior. Maybe you'll find interesting some ideas on how to deal with psychopaths.
So, why do we women do these?
Simply put, because our inherited and persistent mental programming.
Can we change it?
Where is the book to fix this?
It doesn't exit!
To make this change we need to go beyond our conscious mind. This is very challenging for every business woman, as your intelligent conscious mind will trick you and keep you in the prison of your old mental patterns. We need to take a different approach, one that it’s more raw and feminine.
If you would like to dig on the solution, join this webinar.
The biological reason why women don't live up to their potential (and how to fix it)
What you'll discover on this online class
- 1what's behind those nasty self-sabotaging behaviors
- 2how you can overcome debilitating fears, emotions, doubts, anxieties, or worries.
- 3How you can get your power back and become unstoppable
Now back to YOU
All this is worthless without action. Let’s use the comments below to solidify your future. Think about which of these points touch your heart. Decide the corrective new habit you’ll kick off today.
Please do be as detailed as possible. You can be the inspiration that other readers need.
Thank you for reading, sharing and commenting. Interacting with you is so energizing for me.
Wishing you a wonderful week