16. Emotional Care Taking / Babysitting
We are easy victims of emotional manipulators -yes, also at work. Think about the ones with a high need for attention or the ones who won’t accept responsibility for their own actions. Even if one of our top strengths is to bring emotion to the workplace, we need to learn to build healthy personal boundaries.
You can build healthier boundaries by,
- Being present and mindful. Notice how your body and your emotions change in a certain moment. Ask yourself what is bothering you. Observe if there's a breach in your limits. Have you given too much? Notice. Forgive yourself. Take corrective action.
- Train yourself to say NO. No massively underutilized. You should be using it more often. It'll allow you to improve your effectiveness, your leadership and your sanity. Explore more reasons to say no here.
- See them as powerful, capable and responsible. From your baby to your boss, all human beings are brilliant. When they are allowed to be so. Let them develop their resiliance. Don't save them. Don't over mother them. Let them feel what they feel. Let them confront their own demons. They are safe.
Let go of the need to saving everyone. When we stop babysitting them, we allow them to flourish.
17. Not feeling worthy or capable of creating what you truly want
Granted, men tend to be overconfident of what they can do with their qualities. That leads them to reckless behavior. We on the contrary commit the sin of modesty.
Owning your worth is automatic – once you go through the spiritual transformation of falling in love with yourself.
Sure, capabilities vary. You don't know everything. Nobody does. Recognize that you do have knowledge and experience. You are bringing great gifts to the table. Of course, you can always learn and improve.
Girl! You can do it. You are worth it, just because you are. You deserve your dreams, just because you dream them. Own them. They are you "why". The how and the what are easy once you believe in the beauty of your dreams and your worth.
The beauty belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
18. Nice Girls Don't Do Conflict
When we lived in caves we took care of the fire, while men went hunting. So, our main task was caring for the status quo: “not to rock the boat”. It’s ingrained in our system that to survive we should keep things going.This made us survive as species. We trained ourselves to look for the smaller details that could affect the survival of the tribe. Women were the experts in knowing the difference between healing plants, poisons and nourishing food. So was born the idea of the mother, the healer, the nurse, the teacher, the ultimate care taker of the world. Sacrificing for the family got elevated to being divine, the only option if you were a decent woman.
Men did war. Good girls do peace. Conflict is not feminine. We are supposed to do connection and relationships. Interdependence is our middle name. We sacrifice for "them" and forget about our own needs. Women who take the power and truly rock the boat are
- labeled bad girls, she wolves, criminals or
- worse totally ignored by history.
Do you know these ones,
- Margaret Thatcher
- Female (and even pregnant) pirates
- Female Nazi executioners
- Isabella of France
- Margaret of Anjou
Look, we are "Dammed if we do and dammed if we don't". Make a choice for yourself. Who do you want to be? A flower on the wall or a woman who left her mark. How do you want to leave your mark? Don't avoid conflict. Learn to manage it. Choose who you want to become and build that woman in every choice you make, including conflict.
“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.” — Mahatma Gandhi
19. Sabotaging Yourself When Close to a Breakthrough
Have you noticed that we are terrified of success? When things are getting really good, we mess them up. We mess up negotiations, dates, projects… there is a message inside our head – repeated by society – that we cannot have it all. The universe replies: “Your wish is my command”. We then lose the deal, the guy and the client.
How to stop this? Here you have 4 simple steps,
- Awareness of your inner world. For your happiness and success practice mindfulness. Take a deep breath and feel all sensations your are experiencing. Feel that fear, guilt or shame. Allow those sensations.
- Awareness of your actions. How are you acting up those inner voices and sensations? Are you shouting at your colleagues, spouse, children? Are you not saying thank you, sorry, please?
- Change your mind and feelings through asking better questions. Forget about "why am I doing this again?" or "why does this happen to me again?" Think about "How can I?" Think about ways to learn from this, to do it with joy. When you ask these new questions solutions emerge. You can even see the other side of fear: the breakthrough.
- Take a tiny action. No matter how small take a following action towards your goals. This will create momentum and before you know it you would have stopped self-sabotage.
20. Not give yourself time
On the day when “Joan” had a breast tumor removed she went running, fixed dinner for the whole family, saw 5 patients, and plan the schedule for the next two weeks. She didn’t take a nap. She didn’t journal about the experience. She didn’t realize what a day that was.
Are you like Joan?
We have all been her at some point in our lives. All is important except ourselves.
Think about it. How are you going to get done all you want to do without your own body? How are you going to enjoy all you want to experience without you being there?
At my young age of 48 I have several dead friends. They were all around my age. All of them died for this very reason. They never gave themselves time to eat, sleep, smell the roses. All of them died due to stress and lack of self-care.
This is not a nicety! This is a matter of life and death. Give yourself time to breath, to smile, to eat, to sleep. NOW is the time. Don't wait.
So, why do we women do these?
Simply put, because our inherited and persistent mental programming.
Can we change it?
Where is the book to fix this?
It doesn't exit!
To make this change we need to go beyond our conscious mind. This is very challenging for every business woman, as your intelligent conscious mind will trick you and keep you in the prison of your old mental patterns. We need to take a different approach, one that it’s more raw and feminine.
If you would like to dig on the solution, listen to my online class:
The biological reason why women don't live up to their potential (and how to fix it)
What you'll discover on this online class
- 1what's behind those nasty self-sabotaging behaviors
- 2how you can overcome debilitating fears, emotions, doubts, anxieties, or worries.
- 3How you can get your power back and become unstoppable
Now back to YOU
All this is worthless without action. Let’s use the comments below to solidify your future. Think about which of these points touch your heart. Decide the corrective new habit you’ll kick off today.
Please do be as detailed as possible. You can be the inspiration that other readers need.
Thank you for reading, sharing and commenting. Interacting with you is so energizing for me.
Wishing you a wonderful week