What no One Tells You About Negative Thoughts
Have you ever thought bad about other people? Have you ever entertained any negative thoughts about a family member, a colleague, a customer, a friend?
Gosh, this is something that we can not escape: thinking bad about other human beings. Because he said. Because he didn’t say. Because he looked at me in this way. Because he made a negative comment about anything about me. And then you start thinking about the implications; what were the thoughts;what were the things that this person did not tell you. Then you start imagining things. You start blowing things out of proportion and label this person with all kind of horrible labels. You start labeling yourself: why am I so stupid to hang out with this person. Then you start asking horrible and useless questions, such as “what have I done wrong to deserve this person?” So we enter into a negative spiral of destruction. And the most interesting part, the most horrible part about this is that it is negative destruction, self-inflicted negative destruction, self-destruction. It really doesn’t help us to think about others but sometimes we just can’t stop ourselves. What are we talking about? We don’t even think of what we’re talking about, what we are thinking bad about other persons. It just goes totally far away from what really happened. It is a battle that is really fought in our imagination.
So I’m going to share with you today a process that they use and it always helps me out. The good thing about this process is the more you do it, it’s really like a muscle, the more you do it, the more strength you will have to start seeing others with compassion including yourself.
Step number one.
Step number one is to be aware of what is the feeling that you are experiencing. You see when we think bad about other people especially people who should be dear to us like our parents or like our children, we do not want to admit to anybody including ourselves that we have a negative emotion towards them. But the moment when we actually accept and feel that negative emotion, then we can handle it, then we can learn from it. So the first step is awareness, really mindfulness, what is going on. Get yourself, really read yourself, read your body, what do you feel – head to toe, what am I feeling? A pain in my shoulder, a pain in my arm, a pain in my hip – what am I feeling? What does that mean? Is it anger? And do I feel a knot in my throat? Do I have to say something? A pain in my shoulder? Am I carrying too much? What are you feeling? The first step is key because the moment when you stop avoiding and stop denying that you have this negative feeling, then you start becoming free. So you start analyzing what it is that you feel and then you end up in step number 2.
Step number two.
Step number 2 is key, you have to ask your feeling why? Why am I so angry and my child? Why am I so disappointed in my father? Why am I so furious with my boss? Why my so disappointed with my customer? What’s the reason? And sometimes it is very interesting, why I have this horrible negative feeling that I don’t know how to name? And get yourself into that question. You can do it in two ways, just journal, journal why do I have this feeling, what do I have to learn, what is this here to teach me. Write, journaling, that works great for me, or sitting down, sitting down and be with your pain, be with your anger and ask anger, pain, what do I have to learn from you? Tell me, I’m listening. Listen, listen what is the lesson that is hidden there. There is always one good reason why you have a negative emotion. Get to the gold. And really 100% of the time is that we need to become, get another higher version of yourself. We need to make some changes in what we do, in who we are and that will lead to forgiveness, that will lead to compassion, that will lead to most importantly gratitude.
Step number three.
So at this point you can say thank you, I know what you, great spiritual teacher – boss who made me angry, child who misbehaves, mother who was judgdamental, whatever person hurt you, “hurt” you, you thought they hurt you but in reality they helped you, you can be compassionate to them. Say thank you, thank you for giving me this gold, this experience so that I can grow. Be grateful, you don’t need to tell that to them. Maybe you’re angry at your father because he died – I have heard that one before. So you cannot tell him. You cannot explain all these feelings to a 3 months old baby. Maybe you cannot explain this to your boss either, you cannot explain it to your thesis director, but you can explain it to yourself and you can be grateful yourself. Thank you person who actually help me, you did not hurt me, you helped me to become who I am meant to be. Thank you.
Step number four.
And then in that position of gratitude explore the question, what do I need to do now? I have learned this, what do I need to do now? Child misbehaved, I got angry, I went on a rant in my mind, and I was thinking about my mother that educated me in such a way that she let me be such a bad mother. And okay, then I start to think to the process and I realize that actually I was not listening to him, actually I’m not listening at all. I’m not listening to my husband, I’m not listening to my customer. Also a big lesson that this child is teaching me, listening is what I need to learn, get myself into the gratitude and then the action comes. I need to listen better. So as this example really, truly happened to me, I gave myself the exercise of listening. Any conversation that I will engage after that experience, I will just be there, I have 2 ears and my mouth. Double the time of listening and reduce my time of speaking. That was the way I used this exercise. How is yours?
So these are the 4 steps:
- get into the feeling
- ask why it is here,
- be grateful
- take action.
So did you like this video? If you like this video, please give it a thumbs up, like it and share it. Share it with all your friends. By all means come on over to my blog where the conversation happens and share with us what do you do, what is your process when you have horrible things about other people. Share with us the process that you follow me when you have horrible thoughts about other people, what is it that you do. And was there something in this video that you want to implement in your life? What will that be? Is there something in this video that you already implemented? How did that work? Share with us, share the wisdom because this will help us others. So now I say goodbye to you reminding you to be all in.
Featured Image by Capture Queen