Bouncing back is a great skill to have in life, because you see we will need to do so at some point in our life. We will need to do so many times in our life.
There are small disappointments and there are devastating disappointments. From not finding a parking lot to very serious stuff like the end of a relationship, divorce after many years or being fired or really more serious stuff like illness or dead.
But you see, the same skills are needed to deal with all these different levels of disappointment. The skills of bouncing back, the skills of learning and growing from these devastating events.
These skills really have an order. And we start of course at the beginning. The beginning is acceptance is allowing this circumstance to be. You see nowadays we are so pushed to change the world that we have a very hard time accepting things the way they are. We rebel before seeing what is going on. We deny and we blame and we get angry and we lose a lot of our energy by doing that.
If instead we sat down, took a perspective of wisdom of maturity of saying, this is the way things are.
- I’ve been just fired
- My husband told me he is leaving me, ok this is the way things are. Things are this way.
- It is raining
- This is my child told me something horrible: NO. This is the way things are
When we accept the way things are, just the way things are: not worse, not better, not exaggerated not over inflated, but the way they are we get our power back. Because we get our critical mind, we get our eyes open to what is. Get that drama out of the situation by observing just what is. Just observing it as is you were a person outside yourself. You’ll see in it how it is.
This is a great quality of all leaders and if we are talking about being a leader of your own life this is what you have to do. First see it exactly how it is.
Step #2 Once you see the way it is. You will see that there are many gems in that what is. In this horrible darkness, in these woods there are wonders and I like to call them blessons, a combination of blessings and lessons.
In this apparent devastation there are great gifts, but that is not apparent when we are still fighting with the situation once we have accepted it we can start having clarity within this darkness.
Have you noticed that when you are in the dark and you are trying to find the exit in the dark, it’s very difficult because while you are moving you cannot see, but instead if you slow down and take a look in the darkness shapes start to appear and you are able to move.
The way that it’s in the literal darkness is the exactly the way it is the spiritual darkness. Give yourself a moment to reflect, to see before you judge the situation, before you attempt to learn from it. And once you are in that quiet moment you are going to be able to find great wisdom.
This is a very good moment when to start using a journal and just start writing what is: this is the situation. And just by describing the way it is, you are going to start to find wonders, blessings of how things are.
One of the devastating events of my life was the illness of my daughter. When she was two months old she was admitted into a hospital. She was very very ill. It was devastating for me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to manage it. Of course it was the first time that me as a mother I was responsible of a person in hospital and by writing down what was going on I learned so much about love, about responsibility, about growth, about tolerance, about asking for help many things that in a way had nothing to do with that little child, had nothing to do with her health. Blessons come disguised. They are subtle, they are mysterious. They are open for you if you pay attention
So once you find your blessons, comes step number 3. Step number 3 is key. It’s absolutely key. It’s to decide to start changing your life in the way the blessons have taught you. It’s absolutely not enough to see that you could be this or this other way, that you could be loving more, more present, more grateful. It’s not enough to see that great analysis. You have to decide that this is your new you. You have to set yourself, you have to create an agreement with yourself and say this is the new me. And I am absolutely adamant to lead my life in this brand new different way. You have to decide and really create a new vow on how you are going to lead your life from now on. And this is the essence of bouncing back because it’s not enough to fall down, you have to decide to go up. Decide and the decision is what will bring you up.
However of course the decision is nothing. Good intentions are nothing. And that’s the 4th step. The 4th step of course is action. And I like to call it the action that will be changing your brain your beliefs. Your brain is physically anatomically build based on how your thoughts are how your actions are when you start changing your action your brain and the more you act in a certain way and your brain will become that way.
So if after that devastating you see that you have to be more grateful, and then you start saying thank you more often even you start saying more often thank you gratitude to everybody, writing testimonials to everybody, really showing gratitude with what you do you’ll build a brand new identity for yourself, you will build a brand new brain for yourself
There you have it: the four steps to bounce back,
1. Be with the situation. Honor the devastation
2. Dig for the gold and find the blessons for you
3. Decide to start a new life
4. Act change your reality
Change your family, your entire life with your action with what you have learned and you will see that every single time a new learning experience will appear you’ll bounce back not only faster, but you will find more gold in the so called devastation
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